Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
