just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm at about main and main street
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
