Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
