she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
