I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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