I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
