omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
