My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
