I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
