The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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