physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
