Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
