You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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