You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
