Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
vagina is talking i cant
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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