I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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