I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
