Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
