I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The best revenge is premature balding
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
