Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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