I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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