Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
