can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
