her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
