They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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