I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
