Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
