What did we do last night that was yellow?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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