Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
