taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
