it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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