remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
