I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
