you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
