All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
