First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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