ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
