i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
