What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
