I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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