I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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