In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
