I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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