I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
