I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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