I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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