i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
