when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
