Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
