what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
