i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
