I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Randomize
